All or Nothing-Just for Laughs
by At Leisure
Summary: This is another alternate ending to the story All or Nothing. It is a humorous take on how things could have ended. Written on a whim. Enjoy.


**A/N: **It starts on the next day of Elizabeth and Darcy's first meeting at Penzance. Forgive the mistakes, I wrote this in half an hour and thoroughly enjoyed myself writing it. Meant as a JOKE. Hope you enjoy this. Do review :D

**All or Nothing- An Alternate Ending (Again)**

Darcy found Elizabeth walking on the beach on the next day. He quickly walked up to her and grabbed her by the shoulders, pulling her unceremoniously against himself.

"I have had enough of your theatrics, Elizabeth," he said harshly as Elizabeth looked up at him with her large doe eyes, "are you coming back to Pemberley with me, or what?"

Elizabeth stared at him and suddenly it did not matter that he had thought her a loose woman, she just wanted to be with him, forever.

"Do you trust me?" She cupped his handsome face, with chiseled features in her soft, pink hands.

"Yes," he said and his face dipped towards her.

"Do you love me?" She whispered as she raised herself on her toes, he smelled so good.

"Of course, I love you," he said vehemently, "you left me and made me think that you were dead but I still love you." He was completely magnanimous.

"Oh Fitzwilliam," she pressed into him.

"Oh Elizabeth," he held onto her tightly. "I am going to kiss you now, because really," he breathed deeply, "I have been wanting to do this for almost two years and my self-control should be the stuff for stories that mothers tell their children before they go to bed."

"We are gentry my love," she smiled seductively at him, "not mothers, nannies."

"Oh Elizabeth," he pulled her flush against himself (yet again).

"Oh Fitzwilliam," she was all docile acceptance.

"You do not mind that I thought you were having a clandestine affair with my brother for many months?" He wanted to have a clean conscience.

"Of course not silly," she rubbed his cheek softly, "I am hollier than thou."

"Eh?" Darcy frowned.

"Oh never mind," she ran her thumb on his warm, alluring lips, "you were saying something about kissing me."

"Has your knowledge about the marital bed any better that the last time?" he teased, "because you gave me quite a fright with your open mouth back at Pemberley, I could see your tonsils and believe me, they failed to turn me on."

"Oh Fitzwilliam," she said shyly, wanting to knee him in the stomach.

"Oh Elizabeth," he was in ecstasy because she had suddenly become so voluptuous.

"I read a very dirty book recently," she said shivering with pleasure as he ran his hands up and down her back, "I think I am ready to make violent love to you, on the beach."

"Oh Elizabeth," he felt like he died and went to heaven.

"Oh Fitzwill…"

His name remained half said on her lips as he effectively silenced her for many hours henceforth while the birds on the beach watched them in awe as their eggs hatched all by themselves, since the mother birds were too busy watching our dear couple. It was magical, surreal, the Earth moved, the sky fell, everything reverberated with the force of their passionate lovemaking. They did it**all**, every position was tried, **nothing **was left undone.

Elizabeth and Darcy lived happily ever after, and went on to have several children, who all married really well and never wanted for anything. Elizabeth's family forgave her wholeheartedly and the miracle of miracles, there was no scandal.

* * *

George watched his brother and the woman he had loved for the past many months in disgust. He could not believe the ungentlemanliness of it all. He had at last learned his lesson; he would never watch Elizabeth and Darcy in the throes of passion while hiding behind a large and conveniently placed rock, again. Oh and he would also try to be as unselfish as possible.

George also went ahead and had many children with Caroline, thanks to the lesson he had learnt by spying on Elizabeth and Darcy's hot scene. It was to try as many positions as possible to make your wife pregnant.

And they all lived happily ever after.

**~The End~**


End file.
